Monday, February 9, 2009

You know you're Manx when...

You physically cant say R*T (or type it).

You like chips cheese and gravy, anywhere else in the world people look
at you as though you have two head

Tell jokes about Peel girls instead of Essex girls.

Get slapped by your wife because shes from Peel.

Tell people off for calling England the mainland when every one knows
the IOM is.

Tell anyone that disagrees with you that there is a boat in the morning.

Every type of building project that the government funds goes wrong
completely and costs a fortune

People come here every June to die

You buy a motorbike helmet just to carry round in TT week.

You speak in a strange almost Scouse accent

You are proud of being Manx but when it comes to football you support
England (even though any other time of year you're as Manx as the hills)

You use sayings like 'as Manx as the hills'

You don't need "Friends Reunited" to find the people that you went to
school with. You just go to Douglas on Friday night.

You pack a flask and sandwiches to drive "all the way to Ramsey"

You've never been "all the way to Ramsey"

You say you're going "across" when you leave the island

It's: Down North, Out to Peel, in to Town!

We call a line of cars a traffic jam and use it as an excuse for being
late for work

You can't drive on motorways, and look forward to the possibility of
driving on a motorway

You spend more on getting to Manchester Airport than on the rest of your
holiday.

You have a boat and you ask people how to get to Ramsey from Douglas
without using the bus.

Everyone you date has been out with one of you friends

You have no secrets

Everyone else knows far more about you than you do

You wish you had done all the things they say about you

The only live theatre acts are tributes
No matter where you go in the world (or perhaps universe) there is a
yessir there to annoy the hell out of you.
Whenever you meet someone who now lives "across" the first thing you say
to them is "When are you goin' back then?"
You always refer to married women by their maiden name so you don't
forget who their dad, brother etc is.
You get annoyed when people on TV say the best kippers are from Scotland
You want to be the first to know the dead person's name whenever a death
is announced on the radio because there is a very good chance you know
them
You think nothing of saying hello and waving to the fairies at the Fairy
Bridge
You get annoyed if people don't say hello to the fairies
You blame any mechanical failures on the fact that you didn't say hello
to the fairies on the way past.
You've never doubted the that the story of the Moddhey Dhoo is true
You call your English friends and relatives come-overs even after 20
years.
You've heard of Illiam Dhone but you're not quite sure of what it was he
did.
You think Joey Dunlop should be made a saint, even though the only thing
he ever did for the Isle of Man was ride a motorbike very quickly over
the TT Course.
You think the fair is the best time of the year.
You remember the good old days when the fair was up at Noble's park and
it was actually good
When you say, "I'm going into town" and people instantly recognise that
you mean Douglas, despite your current geographical location and the
fact that you may already live in a town that isn't Douglas.
You can't leave the house when you call in sick to work because you know
you will bump into your boss or someone else you work with. Then
everyone will know what a big skiver you are.
You tell someone your from the Isle of Man but 10 minutes later they ask
you what there is to do on the Isle of Wight.
You can leave your car door open for three hours with money inside and
still find your money there not nicked.
No-one knows what to do any time even a little bit of snow lands, no one
goes to work, no one goes to school, no one goes anywhere. Everyone just
plays in the snow!
You can't walk through town (see earlier point about 'town') without
stopping at least 5 times to talk to some yessir you know
People refer to the hospital simply as Noble's..... is the new hospital
called Noble's too, or is it just the New Hospital, and will remain
'New' forever.
There really is a place called Ballawilleykilley, and you know where it
is.
If one road is blocked on the way to work, your pretty much screwed and
you will be at least half a day late.
Whenever a show/film is recorded on the Isle of Man, immediately if
you're not on the rock you shout out that's where you're from and you're
so proud its on the tv.
You see the name Juan and know instantly it's pronounced jewan and not
waan.
You think a long distant relationship is when your in the south and
they're in the north.
When you start dating someone and you dont know any of their mates..
turns out you do.. all of them. Some are also related and most of them
you hate.
When the longest car trip you can take in any one direction is about 30
minutes before going straight in the irish sea, and to do a round trip
of the entire island can be done in about 2 hours.
You give directions to anywhere starting from a pub
You still say Ginnie nettles and no one foreign understands
you call The Strand a shopping centre.
You go to Langness to see where Jeremy Clarkson lives.
Anyone from outside the town you live in is more or less an alien to you
even though they all live less than 30 miles away.
You describe your home as "70,000 alcoholics clinging to a rock" and
you're damn proud of it, too.
Your name address and purchase/sale price of any property transaction
you make is listed in the local newspaper.
If you divorce the newspaper reports the grounds for divorce and if it
is adultery names the other party...... just in case you haven't heard
the local skeet
At Halloween when you're away at Uni no body else has a clue what you're
talking about when you start singin 'Hop Tu Naa'...!
all you have to do is put someones first name and street on an envelope
and the postman knows exactly who it is and where they live
Every time you go on holiday, no matter where you go you'll always meet
someone who you know or lives on the island or is wearing a TT t-shirt
You bring your Canadian friend over for TT and the first thing you do is
to take her to the Laxey Wheel cos 'it the biggest working water wheel
in the world and everyone must appreciate it'
Roundabouts are places where drivers like to stop and smile at each
other before a random drivers decides to go.
You help the government save money on road-resurfacing by bedding down
the loose chippings for them in your shiny new car.
You think monopoly money and manx money doesn't look identical.
HAT TIP: Tim Craine

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